


Hold On To Me

by esmeeeeme



Series: The Modern Stormpilot & Friends Domestic Family AU [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bisexual Poe Dameron, Domestic Fluff, Emo Kylo Ren, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Fluff, Family Loss, Gen, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, The Toddler Days
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-17 14:29:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5874115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmeeeeme/pseuds/esmeeeeme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When life seemed to be going good, tragedy strikes and Poe Dameron is thrust into the unexpected world of fatherhood. Luckily, he has the guidance of friends to get him by. Friends including his best friend Jessika, a professor that understood animal language, a retired former member of the military and his very political wife. And their emo son. Prequel to Love is All You Need.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Rule of 3rds

**Author's Note:**

> Very angst heavy intro. Stormpilot will come in later. Also, some OC mentions. Zeke is BB8 aka, this is the prequel of my other fic, Love is All You Need. A lot of this is influenced by Life As We Know It. Or Life as We Knew It. Fuckin, its the movie with Katherine Heighl in it. Fun fact, the title of this is from a Beyonce song. Blue by Beyonce. Made me feel some kind of way (emotional as fuck]
> 
> A lot of this is most likely not accurate, but I will try my best. I don't own Star Wars. Enjoy!

They were still arguing over names.

"Riley. That's my choice for the name."

Jimena shook her head, "No. I don't want a basic name. I want it to be something space related."

Jimena was an astronomer while Manny was a pilot, one of Poe's coworkers at the airlines. Their meeting and eventual marriage was something out of fairy tales. Whenever Poe met Jimena, she told him that her sign matched with Manny's and instructed Poe to beware Virgos and Capricorns, of all things.

Astronomer who worked in learning about the stars, and still believed in the Zodiac symbols. Their match worked, though. The pilot fell in love with the astronomer.

Now, Jimena is three months into her pregnancy.

"Titan is a terrible choice," Manny said.

"It could be a boy," Jimena said. "And fuck you, Titan _is_ a good name."

"What if it's a girl?" Poe asked.

Jimena was about to answer before Manny cut her off with "For the last time, we are not naming our child _Andromeda_."

"You are such an ass!" Jimena said to Manny, smacking his shoulder with the back of her hand. "Riley could be the name of at least three girls in a kindergarten class."

"You're thinking Maria, amor."

"There's more Jennifers and Stephanies. What with Jennifer Lopez and all. And for boys, Jose. That's so common, so that's a no."

Manny rolled his eyes, but nevertheless smiled. "Someone sounds bitter because they were the third Jimena in their class," he said, teasing.

"At least our child can be the only Andromeda."

Poe mused, thinking back. What could be a good name for their kid?"Zeke."

Jimena and Manny had looked back at him. "Come again?" Manny asked.

"It means shooting star in Arabic," Poe explained. "And for a girl, Miranda, one of Uranus's moons. Then there's Cordelia, but that's more of a literary name than space."

"Holy shit, I had no idea you knew about space."

Poe shrugged. "My mom would teach me constellations when I was little."

"Zeke. That's actually a really good one," Jimena said. "I love it."

"I agree. It's perfect."

So Zeke it was.

* * *

"I'm a father."

When Manny had uttered those three words to Poe, he was smiling. Tired, about to fall over his feet, sweaty and maybe crying but smiling nevertheless. Jimena had gone into labor and it lasted more than predicted, and Manny had been there every step of the way. Poe was there as long as he could, with Jessika leaving briefly to get some food.

Poe had hugged him tightly, with Manny leading the way to introduce him to the new child. A beautiful, healthy baby boy with curly brown hair that matched Manny's, with Jimena's dainty nose. Zeke.

They had gone with Poe's suggestion.

"You're the uncle now."

"I guess I am."

* * *

That had been four months ago.

But now, the word felt strange to Poe. Father. Foreign, like he didn't belong saying them. He wasn't a father, no, he was a guardian. He wasn't an uncle either. He felt like the substitute.

He remembered waking up to the phone call from the police station at 3 in the morning.

Jimena and Manny Fernandez had gotten in a car wreck in the midst of an ice covered road. Dead on site.

The officer spoke to him in crisp, neutral precision, used to handling bad news. Poe tried not to burst out crying on the spot.

His question after the officer explained the situation to him had only been one.

"Where's Zeke?"

He was horrified that Zeke had been in the middle of the accident. Jimena rarely travelled anywhere without him.

"He's here at the station with his babysitter, Heidi Green. Do you know who she is?"

Poe felt a wave of relief hit him. Heidi. Okay, yeah. Poe knew who she was.

"Heidi, yeah. I know her."

Short blonde eighteen year old that sometimes watched over Zeke on the rare cases Jimena had to leave. Helped her out also during the few weeks that Jimena was confined to bed rest while Manny was out piloting. Poe would know.

That was his copilot.

"I will be on my way in about twenty minutes."

"No rush, Mr. Dameron. The roads are dangerous tonight."

He remembered getting dressed in what he could find that wasn't wrinkled or dirty. Brushing his teeth and trying to comb his hair into something presentable. Grabbing his coat and scarf and car keys, he headed out, barely remembering to lock his front door.

Just what the fuck was going on?

* * *

It took him half an hour to get registered and for the right paperwork to be filled out. He immediately went to get a coffee, knowing that he needed something to keep himself up.

For a terrified moment, he feared that they wanted him to identify the bodies. His stomach lurched at the thought of seeing his best friends in a wrecked car.

No, no, they couldn't do that. They already knew who they were. They wouldn't have called him to confirm the facts.

An officer ended up leading him to the second floor and he asked an iteration of the same question during the call. "Where's Zeke?"

"The babysitter, Heidi, has him."

Following the officer around the corner, Poe turned to see Heidi sitting on the couch next to a stroller, weeping. When she saw Poe, she stood up from the couch and hugged him tightly, him being the only familiar face aside from Zeke.

"Are you alright?" Poe asked. Heidi shook her head, hugging him closer and sniffling a little bit.

"I can't believe it."

"Is Zeke okay?"

Heidi wiped off a few tears and she nodded. "He's asleep."

Poe sighed in relief seeing Zeke. He was in the travel stroller, blissfully asleep and shielded from the light with the thick hood of the stroller. Being kept warm by the orange and white fluffy blanket, he slept in his onesie.

It took Poe a minute to realize that it was the same blanket he had given to Jimena as a gift for the baby. And that it was the main blanket that Jimena always used to cover him up whenever they had him in his carrier.

He felt his heart break.

"They told me that they would be back by midnight," Heidi said. "They told me they would be back."

"Heidi, I'm so sorry."

"I can't take care of him. Watch him, yeah, but I can't take care of him. I'm not his mom, I have college starting up soon, oh my god, I'm so scared."

"Heidi, take a breather. We will figure out what's going on. I'm shocked as you are."

"Poe Dameron?" A woman dressed in brown slacks called him over.

"I will be back later," Poe said to Heidi. "Just...hang in there."

Heidi nodded and let go of him, sitting back on the couch.

Poe just hoped he could fulfill that promise.

* * *

"And Zeke? Where will he be staying for the night?"

"His babysitter offered to watch him until we can make a decision on his custody," the social worker said. "She was the last person that Jimena and Manuel contacted."

"Okay, that's good. Heidi is good."

"You were listed as both Jimena's and Manny's emergency contact," the social worker said. "Requested that in case of emergency, you were the one to seek. Not their parents."

"Yeah, Jimena's parents are assholes," Poe caught himself saying before realizing it. "Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it. Or that."

"Don't worry about it. There's more details to the request, listing specifics of why not to contact her family. I figure you already know why."

Poe nodded, mouth in a grim line. Oh yeah, he definitely knew.

"Manuel's family is out of the country, so they're out of consideration. Can you take custody of Zeke?"

Silence.

"I…...I don't know."

This was too much to handle at once.

"You have the higher hand in adoption in terms of Zeke, since you were listed as both of their go to contact. Do you have a lawyer?"

"No. But I can find one. What do I have to do?"

The following two hours with the worker were a haze. He nodded at the words of the social worker, trying hard not to cry. He could barely form enough coherence just to speak fluently. His throat felt tight.

Heidi had fallen asleep on the couch and Zeke was moving around in the stroller.

"And Heidi's mom?" Poe asked.

"Yolanda Green should be on her way back from the airport. The storm out there caused delays."

"Do you want to hold him?" the officer asked.

Poe nodded, not wanting to deny the fact that he would feel a whole lot better holding Zeke.

The officer gave him some privacy, turning his back to him as he continued sorting out folders in the drawers.

Zeke's hand found leverage by holding onto Poe's thumb tightly and fuck, Poe felt another pang in his heart. _Fuck._ Zeke was an orphan now.

And the little guy didn't even know it.

His eyes looked up to Poe, and jesus, he looked so much like Jimena. Tanned skin like hers, Big brown eyes, Manny's thick curls.

There was no possible way that they could actually be gone.

Reluctantly, Poe ruffled his hair and handed him back to the officer, feeling another pang in his heart. Fuck, no. He shouldn't be the one doing this.

He had given Heidi his number in case of anything happening. Getting the proper paperwork he needed and the contact information, he left the station.

* * *

In vivid detail, Poe remembered the tense grip he had on the wheel as he drove back from the station. The radio was off, and there was nothing but silence and the rumble of his engine as he slowly went through the familiar route to his home.

The freezing rain had stopped and he drove slowly, feeling the weight of importance of the leather folder weigh him down.

He remembered getting his car into the garage and going inside his home. Throwing the coat over the maroon arm chair, his keys jingling in the pockets.

And the slap of leather cases of the folder hitting the table surface.

Running on four hours of sleep and coffee, Poe collapsed on the couch.

What just happened?

He wanted to pinch himself and realize it was just a bad dream. That Jimena and Manny weren't actually dead.

Poe sobbed after he had gotten home from the police station, when the social worker told him of the situation. His sobs were desperate, choking, feeling _pain._ He felt the pain of loss stir at his heart again, the way it had been when he lost his mother all those years ago. The way it had been when his father just dropped communication. Raw grief, desperate for anything.

He didn't know how long it continued before he passed out. Passed out long enough to not notice Jessika enter his home with the spare key he left under the second flowerpot from the left.

"Hey."

Not shocked at her presence, Poe sat up. "Hey. How long have you been here?"

"A couple of hours," Jessika said.

Poe let out a painful sigh, feeling his breath shake. Jessika slid next to him on the couch and handed him a glass of water.

"I brought some leftovers from last night's dinner with Rey if you're hungry."

"Spaghetti?"

"And chicken alfredo. They're in the fridge."

Jessika's hair was pulled back into a loose braid, some stray hairs framing her face.

"I already know," she said softly.

"How are you holding up?" Jessika asked, her hand on Poe's shoulder.

"I'm not."

"I figured."

"They're really gone, aren't they?" Poe asked Jessika.

"Yeah."

His body trembled with quiet cries, overwhelmed by _everything._ Manny and Jimena are gone. He was going to be a father to the son of a couple who never got to see his first steps, their offspring growing up.

No, no, it should have been them. It should have been them raising their child. Not the substitute. Not Poe.

Fuck, he wasn't ready.

Jimena would know how to handle this. She would be strong, patient and confident. Cocky smirk, no doubt. She was always the cocky one out of her and Manny.

And Manny's devotion.

The devotion he had to his wife and son was beyond wonderful.

And they were gone. Two of his closest friends were _gone_.

"Come here," Jessika assured, bringing him in for a hug. "It's gonna be alright."

"They're dead, Jess. They're dead," Poe said. "Jimena and Manny left

"I know, but you're not."

"It should be them raising Zeke, not me."

"Poe, listen to me. It's not your fault they're gone. Jimena and Manuel are dead and it fucking hurts. But that's the thing. Life is terrible like that. Snatches who you love and screws everything over."

"Zeke isn't dead. He's alive. Jimena and Manny trust you enough to raise their child."

"You're a single father. It's evident that you would be scared."

"Jess, I'm _not_ his father. Manny is."

_Was._

"Poe. Listen to me. Do you love Manny?"

"Yes."

"Do you love Jimena?"

"Yes."

"Do you love Zeke?"

"Of course I do. What are you trying to get at?"

"Manny and Jimena _trust_ you. They trust you to the point that they wanted _you_ to take care of Zeke just in case anything happened to them."

"You're not going into this alone," Jessika said. "You have me. You have Snaps. You have the rest of the squadron. You have a family here that loves you and supports you more than anything."

"I'm sorry," Poe sighed, leaning against Jessika. "God, I'm so sorry. For forgetting that others care about me too."

Jessika hummed and hugged him tighter.

After brief silence, Poe asked the burning question on his mind.

"Can you help me find a lawyer?"


	2. Overwhelmed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What if Zeke winds up in a house where no one takes care of him? It's happened before to so many babies, and I don't want another child to go through the same thing."
> 
> Poe felt the fear in her voice and the concerns. Hoping that he was saying the right thing and that it would calm her down a bit, he waited for her to stop talking and said, "About that...So, not confirmed yet, but there's a...seventy percent chance I could get custody of Zeke."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a long while to get this done, but man, the rest of this fic is gonna be a wild ride and I am more than ready to share it. But you know, you gotta build a bridge first in order to cross it.

A very scared Heidi was saying into the phone, "Poe, help me please."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Zeke. I'm just-He can't stop crying and I already fed him, changed him-"

"I'm on my way."

* * *

Zeke cried and ow, okay, that hurt. It hurt seeing him cry.

"Hey there Zeke."

Poe felt his voice shake. He ran his hand through Zeke's tiny curls and felt the damp sweat.

"Okay, I think he needs a bath."

Jimena had explained to him that at that early age, babies cry a lot. Because they're hungry, needed a new diaper, sleepy. Because they were cold, lonely, tired or needed a diaper change. They cried a lot.

"Shhh," Poe said quietly. "It's alright. See? We're gonna get you nice and clean."

The tiny plastic bathtub that Jimena normally used wasn't there.

Okay, yeah, he was gonna do it the Hispanic way.

Back in Yavin, he remembered seeing pictures of his mother giving him baths in the kitchen sink. For the sake of simplicity and not being able to have a plastic bathtub for him when he was a baby. Checking that the sink was clean, he filled it with warm water and thanked Heidi when she found a small bottle of unused baby shampoo.

"You're gonna give him a bath in the sink?" Heidi asked.

"My mom used to do this to me when I was younger," Poe said. "Worked like a charm."

_Did I just give him his first official bath that wasn't by his parents or the hospital staff?_

The thought made Poe's breath catch, slightly overwhelmed. This was happening.

"Okay, come on, Z. You're okay."

He wrapped him gently in a towel, shushing him and heading to what he assumed was Heidi's bedroom. moving him to a bed. Trying to keep his nerves in check at the sound of Zeke crying. He hated hearing children cry, hated the feeling of being helpless and not being to able to make them feel better.

He had to give himself props for not letting his voice was waver as he dried Zeke's hair and softly spoke to him, cooing words of comfort. He searched for the appropriate materials needed and after getting him in a diaper, found a white clean onesie in the bottom of the bag. The onesie that Jimena always carried for emergencies.

"It's alright, sport. Let's get you dressed, you'll be warm in no time."

And surely enough, covering him into a recently washed blanket, Zeke's cries faded. Heidi handed him a warm bottle and he uttered a thank you, with Heidi nodding and saying "Let me free the rocking chair."

She moved a stack of folded clothes and a hoodie that was draped across the back and onto the top of her desk, and surely enough, there was a light brown rocking chair.

She headed out of the room.

"Feeling better, little guy?" Poe asked, knowing full that Zeke would not answer. But still. It felt better actually saying it out loud, having him in his arms.

Softly stroking his hair, Poe sat down on the rocking chair and found it sturdy, and gently rocked it back and forth. God, it had been so long since he had been on one, much less used it for the purpose of rocking a baby to sleep.

Lawyers, funeral, mourning, it was all pushed aside. Poe focused on the weight of Zeke in his arms, the softness of the blanket on his skin, the slightly warm plastic of the bottle in his hands.

Oh god, what if he _hadn't_ said yes?

The risk of Zeke not being able to get adopted into a family that would nurture and love him as much as his parents did. No, no, no, Poe couldn't let that happen.

He felt it.

The need to protect a child.

To protect _Zeke._

He loved Manny and Jimena a lot. The oldest and closest friends he had aside from Jessika.

Caught off guard, Poe felt a tight grip.

He glanced down to see Zeke still awake, drinking away at the bottle, but with one tiny hand around Poe's finger and oh god, Poe felt his heart melt. Oh god. Okay. This was overwhelming.

Jimena and Manny would never get to feel this again.

Holding back a tight sob, Poe took a deep shaky breath and felt tears sting at his eyes. He tried not to let his body shake or let the tears fall down his cheeks, for the sake of Zeke.

His heart wavered at the feeling.

Oh god, okay, this really was happening.

* * *

Zeke had fallen asleep after half an hour of Poe feeding him and rocking him in the chair. His grip on Poe's finger didn't cease.

Poe had to gently pry off Zeke's hand from his finger and remove the blanket, making sure the temporal crib was clear of any loose blankets or stuffed animals. Nearly stopping himself, he nevertheless ruffled his hair gently and set him down into the crib.

Leaving the room and just about to call for Heidi, Poe found her in the kitchen, holding two mugs.

"Coffee?" Heidi offered.

"Please."

After a brief moment of silence as the two adults drank their beverage, Heidi broke it by saying, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I panicked," Heidi admitted, her voice raw. "I haven't been sleeping well since Saturday."

And it was noticeable. Bags under her eyes, hair a mess. The winter and stress had really wore on her.

"You don't have to apologize for anything," Poe said. "None of this is your fault."

"I freaked out," Heidi said.

"How's funeral planning going?"

"Skippy," Poe answered sarcastically. "I mean, I wouldn't know. Jessika took over that with Snaps. Said that I had work to do. But I will be honest when I say that I don't think I can manage to even talk to the funeral home on the phone, much less organize one."

"I still can't believe this is happening," Heidi said. With a humorless laugh, she added "You'd hope that you would wake up and realize that all of this is all a terrible dream, but it isn't," she swallowed. Staring down at her coffee, she continued, "I nearly texted Jimena this morning. God, I was about to text her about a funny picture I found and then I remembered and-" Heidi's voice broke.

Poe didn't know where her boundaries on contact were set, so he opted to just reach across the table and give her hand a small squeeze. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, feeling her pain. "I'm so sorry."

It hurt losing a friend. It hurt losing _two_ friends.

Heidi wiped at her cheeks. "I'm really sad, but oh god, that's not even the bottom of it," she said. Almost like a confession, she admitted something that Poe definitely felt. "I'm so scared for Zeke."

"What if Zeke winds up in a house where no one takes care of him? It's happened before to so many babies, and I don't want another child to go through the same thing."

Poe felt the fear in her voice and the concerns. Hoping that he was saying the right thing and that it would calm her down a bit, he waited for her to stop talking and said, "About that...So, not confirmed yet, but there's a...seventy percent chance I could get custody of Zeke."

"What?" Heidi asked in shock.

"You know how Jimena's family is," Poe said. Heidi knew, of course she did. Jimena knew her since she was a baby. Abusive, alcoholic assholes. "Manny and Jimena had me as their emergency contact. Manny's out of the question, since they're in Honduras."

"Oh my god."

"Yeah. There's a lot of paperwork involved right now, and a lot of talk with lawyers. They gotta check for everything - income, job, if I was fit to be a guardian. Takes longer when you are going to be a..." Poe felt his voice stop for a minute. "A single parent."

"Had I been married with a man or a woman, the process would've been less complicated and less lengthy. I think. I'm not too sure," Poe said. "It's a lot of legal stuff to take care of, but I guess this a special case since it's not a regular adoption."

"You're really gonna do it?"

Poe nodded. "Yeah." He remembered not being able to sleep the first night. The thought of Zeke being with a stranger and risking him not being raised correctly.

"But I'm scared too."

Heidi waited for him to continue.

"It's just...I have no experience whatsoever with children. Only a handful of it and it's usually holding them or feeding them their bottle. Earlier, with Zeke, I just did it out of pure memory that I've seen Manny do."

"Being a parent doesn't require a resume."

It felt too _soon_ to even say it. It hasn't even been a week.

"Being a parent is having the patience and unconditional love to nurture a child and provide them safety and security to grow happy and healthy," Heidi said, then adding, "I'm a child studies major."

"Ah."

"Well, you got me, for one. And Jess. And the pilots. And aren't you always up for a challenge?" Heidi asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm assuming that they don't call you the famous Poe Dameron for nothing."

At Poe's look of incredulity, Heidi continued. Tucking her knees under her chin and wrapping her arms around her legs, she smiled. "Yeah, Manny would tell me stories of all the crazy things you guys did," Heidi said. "Of the private famous Poe Dameron, best pilot in the galaxy, claims he can fly anything."

"Oh _God._ " Poe flinched at the memory. Of _course_ Manny had to tell everyone the story. "Okay, first of all, I was drunk. It was college, and I was very drunk. Iolo, Manny and Snaps were being assholes and I wanted to prove them wrong."

"You proved them right. Manny showed me the videos."

Poe smiled a little bit to himself at the memory.

"But in all seriousness...You handled Zeke in two hours better than I could in three days," Heidi admitted. "My mom took some days off to help me with him, but she went to the grocery store."

"I just hope I know what the hell I'm doing," Poe said. "I don't wanna screw it up."

"You won't. Trust me on it. You won't."

Poe just wished that she was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty now that's outta the way, it will all get better! Trust me, the humor will come soon, oh man, I can't wait. Thank you for reading and as always, reviews are welcomed.

**Author's Note:**

> No worries amigos, the rest of the squad will come in later. Thank you for reading~ Comments are welcome.


End file.
